When I started writing these posts, I believed that I had been dealing with a genuine anomaly. In my thoughts, this simply didn’t happen in other families and, if so, not to the same degree as what I have experienced. It is, in fact more common than I had ever realized. We simply never know what life is like for others until we walk in their shoes. While we all suffer with our own battles, many more people are experiencing the fallout released by mentally ill family members than I could have ever imagined.
Many of you have reached out with your own stories. This includes people from all walks of my life. Everyone from former classmates, to friends who I grew up with in the same church, to total strangers have shared their accounts of the utter devastation and pain that has be caused by someone in their lives with an untreated mental disorder. I’ll always be grateful for your inspiring words and for your friendship. For it is very well documented that even after the death of a mentally afflicted individual, the effects can continue to ripple towards their surviving victims and even to expand onward to multiple generations into the future. It’s not an easy thing to talk about and I admire your strength and bravery as you navigate through your own struggles and heal the pain and damage caused by a mentally ill family member.
There isn’t much that you can do to stop someone from saying harmful or untrue things about you or your loved ones. You also can’t stop some people from being crappy, toxic, human beings. However, you CAN achieve peace and it’s entirely ok to walk away and lock toxic individuals out of your life to prevent them from harming you and your family.
I recently, wrongly expressed the notion of emerging from a shell after hiding for many years. What was I hiding from? A few toxic people and their 400 friends on social media? Whether they have 400 friends or 400,000, it still only amounts to a speck of sand when compared to the world in which we live! We all experience different scenarios as a result of mentally ill family members. In my own case, social media had long ago become the primary battleground. If you’ve ever experienced this, then you know the routine. First, you block them and, then, you create false accounts to see what they are posting about you. In essence, we consciously CHOOSE to join them in their own prison cells by subjecting ourselves to their lies, attacks, and manipulative, narcissistic games. While they may try to unleash hell from their cells, they can really only affect you if and when you allow them to. If this all sounds familiar to you, then stop giving them the stage! Free yourself and bury the keys that allow you to cause harm to yourself through exposure to their warped thoughts and words. Focus on the positive interactions that you are afforded with everyone else in this world! YOUR WORLD! No good will ever come from inviting their thoughts and words into your mind.
Let them be and let them go because when give their words access into your mind, it will greatly affect your own mental health and that of those who surround you! Ultimately, their goal is to t ake you down and destroy you in any twisted manner they can. If someone is trying to own the copyright on YOUR autobiography then let them try! It is your story and your life so live it in a manner where they have absolutely no involvement or ability to interfere. These same people often also believe that they oddly hold a patent on the Bible as they weaponize God’s word every chance they get. Don’t let such a person convince you that their false, radical God defines you.
During a recent consultation with an attorney who specializes in slander and libel, he was immediately able to relate to my case as he read the toxic words and most importantly the slanderous claims that have been made publicly against me. He reflected that the words of my mentally ill family member sounded eerily similar to his own grandmother. He agreed that I had a case and that he would represent me. However, he cautioned that it would never be worth the emotional and financial cost since my goal was to stop the madness. He’s watched many judges scold family members, but that comes at a great cost. He also pointed out that I am choosing to join the madness by caring. He is absolutely correct because, ultimately, these mentally ill individuals are powerless aside from our allowing them to enter into our thoughts and minds. In my case, it came from giving them the stageby everytime I read their cancerous words.
Now, I have spent 8 years caring way too much about what a few really sick people are saying about me and my family. Several weeks ago, I deleted any accounts which allowed me to read anything publicly posted by these mentally ill individuals. I have also vowed to never again give them the stage by visiting their pages. Likewise, many of you have curiously joined me by making me aware when a post against me has been made. I am grateful for your support, however I would ask that you just keep that information and allow me to continue focusing on positive relationships only and letting go of the past. It turns out that I was never in a shell, I was merely choosing to join a mentally ill family member in their own prison cell. There are times in life where it’s OK to crawl into a shell. My shell, however, will only include those who I love and it automatically excludes those who are already living their lives alone as a product of their own doing from many years of unaddressed mental illness.
It took my wife a long time to figure it all out. In the beginning, despite being warned by others, she took the approach that it will all work out in the end because that’s what families do. The time finally came where she realized how extreme the mental illness is. At one time we were very close to giving it a shot at meeting. As always, the mentally ill persona emerged canceling out all of the phony efforts and kind words that at reconciliation. When the true beast emerged, she finally understood. Something deep within me loathed the notion of ever sharing such a kind and loving gem of a person who I am so fortunate to have by my side with such pure evil. Thank you, God for always guiding us in the right direction.
Why Worry-Dire Straits
Baby, I see this world has made you sad
Some people can be bad
The things they do, the things they say
But baby, I’ll wipe away those bitter tears
I’ll chase away those restless fears
That turn your blue skies into gray
Why worry
There should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now
Why worry now
Baby, when I get down I turn to you
And you make sense of what I do
And though it isn’t hard to say
But baby, just when this world seems mean and cold
Our love comes shining red and gold
And all the rest is by the way
Why worry
There should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now
Why worry now